2010-01-17
1:40 p.m.

I’m sitting in front of this computer, listenting to “Waltz for Debbie” and feeling wretched and sad. I’m also still in a robe, with the hood up. I look like some pathetic plaid cult leader.

This song is not making me happy, it has failed. The massive hangover isn’t helping either.

Just.Wretched.

So the breakup continues, each day something new comes up, good and bad. She says she is falling in love with me again, not because of promises to change, rather she is loving the “awesome person and gentle soul” I am. She also is falling in love with my recent turn from promises towards reality. I won’t change in many of the ways she wants, because that is just not me, I am not that person. So I told her just that, I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep.

But now I’m thinking about my growing dissatisfaction, my inner turmoil that I buried for so long. This might actually be the best thing for us both. I might actually be longing to be unattached. I might be ready and wanting this.

Or I might not.

Fucking breakups.

A-S